Oscar-tide Pickles

Now that I've explained myself to what I assume is an apathetic public I'll allow me to crack on with the topic at hand. Oscars tomorrow, and I'm very much in the mood. Shunned by the avant-garde and embraced by the mainstream media, one could certainly argue that The Academy Awards are nothing more than an overblown advert for the film industry. Still, at what other time of the year can we all sit around a television together and critically analyse what Ellen DeGeneres is wearing? It can certainly drag a bit, and those involved are likely to be overpowered by a strong mood of desperation. 

It seems new limitations and rules have been put in place for acceptance speeches in a daft bid for ratings, and with Steve Martin (hopefully back to his vintage comedic persona) and the brilliantly heterosexual Alec Baldwin co-hosting this certainly has the potential to be the most entertainment-oriented Oscars show in years. 

Whatever your stance, here - for you heroes, villains and all those in between- is my breakdown of the major categories in what people are suggesting is the most predictable Academy Awards for years.

Best Supporting Actor.

- what's goin' on: the nominees & a breakdown -

Christopher Plummer - "The Last Station"

I do have a bit of a soft spot for Christopher Plummer, in terms of musical fandom his performance in "The Sound Of Music" qualifies him as one of the lovely old stalwarts of the game. As Leo Tolstoy in "The Last Station" he's surprisingly aware, especially when one takes into account the grand scale of the flick. He won't win, but it's nice to see him finally be awarded with the nomination.

Stanley Tucci - "The Lovely Bones"

Stanley Tucci... Well, he's alright. Y'know, not bad... Hmmm, what else is on?

Woody Harrelson - "The Messenger"

"White Men Can't Jump", "The People Vs. Larry Flynt", "Will & Grace" and now a string of proper dramatic films for grown up real life people types - Woody Harrelson's had a mixed bag of a career stylistically, but critics seem to be digging on him lately. This makes it two nods from the Academy in total, and I'm sure that after tomorrow's ceremony he'll be as Oscarless as ever. Still, he's got a fond follower in me. Here's to another unfulfilled nomination Woody Harrelson.

Christoph Waltz - "Inglourious Basterds"

Christoph Waltz as Colonel Hans Landa in a film which seemed to take a period of eternity to come along helped entirely justify the wait for a really chuffing good movie. It's been a hard old slog in European cinema for the boy Christoph, but unfortunately until now his work in the English language (something which the movie-going public of the Western world seems pretty keen on) had been limited to merely the odd bit part. Thankfully, he's taken the opportunity to show off his talents in 3 different languages here; adopting the superbly written part as his own in what is a beautifully balanced mixture of a discomforting charm, eloquent cunning and a dark humour all underpinned with a delicious sense of unease...

 It really is just good. I could go on about this all day, but basically he's going to win. If you fancy making a dull and sure-fire sort of bet then this is your pony.

Matt Damon - "Invictus"

Damon's already received a pretty little hunk of golden, featureless man back in 1997 for his "Good Will Hunting" screenplay. Coupled with a best actor nomination for the same film that brings Matt Damon to this, his third time up for an Oscar. Perhaps the dark horse in the category, if there is one... but believe me when I say there's no need for another horse in this race, sooty complexions aside. You've already got one Matt, don't be greedy.

Best Supporting Actress.

- what's goin' on: the nominees & a breakdown -

Vera Farmiga - "Up In The Air"

Vera Farmiga puts up a natural front in this years leading 'port-com "Up In The Air". However arrogant and generally bent the character may have seemed in someone else's hands, our girl Vera presents the whole thing in a charmingly subtle way. Perhaps this is the reason she's not going to win... At the same time though, she may just be a bit average. It's quite difficult to actually judge a Jason Reitman film underneath all those stylistic affectations. Nice performance though, and a jolly good egg I've always thought.

Anna Kendrick - "Up In The Air"

Anna Kendrick was in "Twilight". Now she's nominated for an Oscar. 

...

Suppose you're right, yeah.

Mo'Nique - "Precious"

Former sass-splashed comedienne from the mean streets of crap, mainstream, American comedy land Mo'Nique decided to get a bit full-on this year in "Precious". I assume she's going to win; bookies and critics alike rate her as the forerunner, but I can't help but have it leave a quite unpleasant taste in my mouth. Surely the accolades of the Academy are only going to further her foolish ideas that "Moesha" spin-offs and judging spots on "Last Comic Standing" are the sort of thing that should eventually be rewarded and held in high regard. 

It's all a bit dry for my liking I suppose, and after a career of in-my-face comedy I'm afraid to say it leaves me with several shades of dislike toward Mo'Nique.

Penélope Cruz - "Nine"

I enjoyed seeing Penélope Cruz winning her award in this category last year. Years on from her charming all us cinema slaves under the guidance of Pedro Almodóvar there were certainly tones of justice when her name was called out on the night 12 months ago. Things change though, and I feel I've seen one too many a failure from Penélope at this stage to feasibly imagine her winning another one of these for a while yet. 

Though I hear "Sex and the City 2" is ready to confound all our expectations.

Maggie Gyllenhaal - "Crazy Heart"

Were Maggie Gyllenhaal to emerge victorious on the night I don't quite know how I'd feel about it. In a film where the performances have garnered much more attention than any other aspect of the film itself Maggie does her well-connected family proud. Methinks those connections could be exactly what she needs to cause an upset tomorrow night. We'll see, but I'd be chewing my acrylic nails all nervous like were I Mo'Nique right now.

Best Actor.

- what's goin' on: the nominees and a breakdown -

Jeff Bridges - "Crazy Heart"

Here we've seen Jeffry "The Dude" Lebowski go all Waylon Jennings on us in a starkly melodramatic turn. Generally the winners of the Screen Actors' Guild Awards - I've punctuated it correctly for them, no need to thank me - are a pretty keen indication of who's going to win what at the years Oscar ceremony. 

The Dude in question is of course Jeff Bridges. He picked up his best actor prize at the peer-voted guild awards several weeks ago now. Having been pipped to the post on the night so many times before, and always maintaining a steady and unpretentious attitude to his work it'd somewhat justify my years of faith in the man to watch him take home the statue tomorrow. 

I'm saying he'll land this in as charming and laid back a fashion as ever, in the name of every time anyone's ever taken it easy & gone with the flow. 

Amen.

George Clooney - "Up In The Air"

George Clooney being kind of a dick but still entirely delicious, and now complete with a real set of problems and agenda and all!

It wouldn't be the biggest outrage in the world were Clooney to win for "Up In The Air", but having said that I wouldn't be particularly interested either. Anyone remember his acceptance speech when he bagged the supporting actor gong for "Syriana" a couple years back? Not such a charmer without a writer to create that working man's Robert Downey Jr style persona for him, it seems...

Colin Firth - "A Single Man"

Colin Firth!!! I LOOOOOVE Colin Firth! AAAAaaah! He's so dashing and elegant and masculine and refined... My mum loves him too! Gosh, it appears I've become lost in his eyes...

It's a nice thought that some day Colin Firth might be honoured by the Academy in a grander sense, but for the moment the nomination will have to do. All style and charm aside.

Morgan Freeman - "Invictus"

Had tomorrows awards been taking place even as recently as three or four years ago I reckon Morgan Freeman would've been a shoe-in. Honouring work-horses was something those sods at the Academy just loved to do. Honouring work-horses playing real life heroes was like Legoland for them. Nowadays they like to think they take a more left wing approach.  Getting a touch nervous, worrying the cool kids will mock them if they even dare think about taking such an obvious step. 

Pity too, I would've liked to write a parody around The Specials song "Free Nelson Mandela" had he won. 

- "Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ee-man play-ays ManDEL-LA!"... no?

Jeremy Renner - "The Hurt Locker"

"The Hurt Locker" is a really wonderful thing, don't get me wrong here. I'm simply of the opinion that it's a sort of ensemble piece for which it'd be wrong to reward one specific actor. It's not that actor-orientated a film anyway, focussing more on storytelling and mood. This film will win at least a couple of awards tomorrow night, and though it's a fine performance from Big Jezz Renner I'm afraid it's the film that's its own star here.

Best Actress.

- what's goin' on: the nominees & a breakdown -

Sandra Bullock - "The Blind Side"

It's the highest grossing sporting film of all time, unless I'm very much mistaken. People like Sandra Bullock. People like sports. Those things are generally accepted truths. Sandra Bullock winning an Oscar though? I never! Well now you have sir. The firm favourite in this category, and I would suggest with more reason than a lot of you probably think. She's a firm, reliable kind of gal. I reckon this is her time, and that's a thought most people seem to be opting for. 

It's an uncommon thing for somebody to win an Oscar for this kind of sap-trap, but with Sandra involved... I don't know. It seems to make sense. Go win yourself an Oscar, you champ.

Carey Mulligan - "An Education"

A dash-all marvelous little film this one! I adored it, and I adored Mulligan's contribution. Not an Oscar film in the truest sense I think, but it works well for what it is. Perhaps a touch classy for some of us hardcore emotional whore types.

Meryl Streep - "Julie & Julia"

How many award statues does Meryl Streep need? Does she have a lot of loose paper knocking about that needs waiting? Or perhaps she simply wants some stuff & shit to fill her newly installed maple shelves with. Either way, a Meryl Streep nomination is about as Oscar-y as the Oscars can get. It's not every day that we see her go into a category like this with such relatively slim hopes of winning, but I'm afraid to inform you that today's not your lucky day Meryl dear.

Don't worry, I still think you're a babe.

Gabourey Sidibe - "Precious"

I've heard a lot of people praising Gabs for her touching portrayal of a troubled teen while still at such a young age herself, but I'll have you know that she is a relatively ancient 27 - relative, of course, in terms of young Hollywood. I've always maintained it's hard to tell how old really overweight people are. 

It's a solid one this... But that's all it is. Not much to it really: Gabourey Sidibe is quite simply good, but not good enough.

Helen Mirrin - "The Last Station"

Oh her, yes I know her off money and stamps... Oh, it's not? Oh. Well she was very convincing as your one out of the back of money... 

After the certainty with which her Oscar was won Hell's Bells is now practically ensured future nominations with an almost Streepesque regularity. I'd imagine, though, i'll take something fairly special for her to win a partner for her first award.

She's a steady old gal though. That girl's reeeeal people.

Best Director.

- what's goin' on: the nominees & a breakdown -

Jason Reitman - "Up In The Air"

As I mentioned already, it's difficult to see past Jason Reitman's quirky idiosyncrasies and cutesey stylistic choices sometimes. Still, when one does they are faced with what seems to be a competent filmmaker. I never thought Reitman lived up to the promise shown in his, frankly underrated, 2005 gem "Thank You For Smoking". "Juno" was a huge hit and was universally adored. I can take it or leave it really. All that Ellen Page was a bit too much for me to handle, and Michael Cera in what is perhaps the most unaware parody of an actor's self captured on film in recent years - wasn't feeling that one so much.

So what of his new film, "Up In The Air"? It brings J-Reits his second Oscar nomination for direction and, though I think I'll regret saying it later, I think he's earned his place as the star of the future that the media seem to be crafting him into. Big up and keep doin' the do my friend.

James Cameron - "Avatar" 

Shamefully, I have still to see this sweet tiny indie flick. I hear it's full of subtle character development and witty dialogue. For my ignorance I can't quite comment, but I'd imagine it's your standard alternative-crossover hit...

Quentin Tarantino - "Inglourious Basterds"

Probably my personal favourite film nominated among this years vast sea of artistic diversity and weak media wank alike, Quentin Tarantino managed to provide me with a film I preferred to both "Pulp Fiction" and "Reservoir Dogs". When lil' Q.T. is at his best classics of modern cinema are crafted. In terms of films we'll be watching and rewatching years from now this does it for me, I reckon. 

Already an Academy Award winner for the screenplay to "Pulp Fiction", I can't imagine Quentin building on that sort of critical success any time soon. Shame really, it'd be cool if he had something to make it worth his while and with which I could associate my own personal love for his films. I'd like to feel he knows he's appreciated... Maybe I'll go hug the DVD.

Kathryn Bigelow - "The Hurt Locker"

For me this is what has to happen at this years Oscars. There's certainly a strong case to be made that Kathryn Bigelow is the best female film director of all time - thanks mostly to her stunningly tense, claustrophobic Iraqi romp. I'm backing Kitty for the big award this year, and my hunches suggest she won't let me down.

Apart from that I just want to see a woman win the best director Oscar. Nothing to do with gender identity or breaking down barriers or any saddo political toss like that, it's just that it's never happened before so I think it'd be real neat.

Lee Daniels - "Precious"

At this stage in the article, I think Lee Daniels and I both know he's not winning any directing awards tomorrow night.

Best Film.

The, now exhaustive, list of nominees. No breakdown, just brief and fleeting opinions. 

(thank you "The Dark Knight")

"District 9" - Not a chance.

"The Hurt Locker" - I would hope so, and when I look at logically I think this is the safest bet.

"Inglourious Basterds" - As much as I wish it would happen it just won't happen.

"The Blind Side" - Sandra aside, the movie's not too hot.

"An Education" - Baftas and Oscars are a different game, I'm afraid.

"A Serious Man" - Great script and a generally pretty keen Cohen Brothers offering... still, nah.

"Up" - Bit gratuitous, innit?

"Precious" - I reckon not.

"Avatar" - The number 2 seed, I wouldn't be surprised if Jim Cammers pocketed himself another Oscar for this.

"Up In The Air" - Maybe a slim outside chance, but really I'm looking forward to the overly serious and intense look on Jason Reitman's face when he loses. Or more accurately, when he doesn't win.

So there it is, my picks for the 82nd annual Academy Awards. As the almost hypnotic little counters pretty much every major films website have been sporting lately are now telling me, it's 30 hours and 57 minutes till the ceremony. I'll have to sit tight.

This is Kid Sensible departing for the moment, with pockets full of cinematic opinion following me on my merry way.

- smooches.